Hard to Hate

[ Lyrics ]

I want to curse you, but I miss your laugh.

Your hoodie still lives in my closet like a ghost,
smells like old rain and the most I ever hoped.
You broke it gently—called it timing, not fate,
but I still flinch when I hear our song play.
Friends say forgive, move on, draw a line,
but love don’t vanish just 'cause one heart’s resigned.
I wiped my tears, bought new sheets, changed the locks—
yet here I am, answering phantom knocks.

I scroll past your stories, don’t double-tap,
but I pause on the one where your dog jumps in your lap.
Not for you—for the version I used to know:
the one who held doors, not just his ego.

You make it hard to hate — yeah, you make it hard to hate.
I rehearse the rage, but the lines all fade.
You make it hard to hate,
half curse, half pray every time I date.

Met someone sweet—coffee, walks, no games,
but he told a joke, and I thought of your name.
Not ’cause he’s like you—’cause you taught me how
laughter could feel like a sacred vow.
You lied with charm, left with silence, no blame,
but God, you loved me in flashes of flame.
I don’t miss the pain, I don’t miss the shade—
I miss the light that your madness once made.

I tell myself I’m free, fully unglued,
but memory don’t care what my therapist do.
So I don’t call it love, just a complicated truth—
you were wrong for me, but not always uncouth.

It’s not forgiveness, it’s just clarity—
seeing the good in the debris.
You weren’t evil, just incomplete.
And I wasn’t weak—I just believed.

You make it hard to hate — yeah, you make it hard to hate.
I rehearse the rage, but the lines all fade.
You make it hard to hate,
half curse, half pray every time I date.
Hard to hate — hard to hate — 

I want to curse you… but I miss your laugh.